Double Feature: Yoda/Spidey + Yoda/Rose Dawson

Someplace in swampy Dagobah, the phone rings:

Yoda: 1-800-dildooine. Yoda, this is.
Spidey: Master Yoda, will I ever get laid with MJ?
Yoda: Hard to see, the will of the Force is.
Spidey: But could you help me out? Use your Jedi mind tricks on her, perhaps?
Yoda: Only on the weak-minded, they work.

::Hannah Montana: Hey, I resent that! ::

Spidey: Master Yoda, did you just shag Hannah Montana?!?
Yoda: Showed her the power of the Force, I did.
Spidey: You Lolita-loving dirty green muppet! Anyhoo, will you help me?
Yoda: Solve your problem I will, if Viagra you provide me.
Spidey: WTF! Do you use Viagra?!?
Yoda: When 900 years you are, wield your lightsaber as well, you won't.
Spidey: Oh my God. Listening to this is worse than fighting Doc Ock. I'm gone.
Yoda: May the Force be with you.



Painting Lessons

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, do I really need to take my clothes off?
Yoda: A gentleman, I am. Help you, I will.

::Waves hand, clothes fall off::

Rose: Master Yoda Vinci, you're blushing. I doubt Monsieur Kenobi would have blushed.
Yoda: From the gay side of the Force, he is.

::Camera flash goes off::

Rose: Did you just take my picture naked? Weren't you supposed to paint my portrait?!?
Yoda: Portraits do not make one great. Wank off to your pic, I will. Farewell, mon coeur de la mer.

::Waves non-wanking hand, Rose's ship sinks::