Noah's Ark...in Space!

If I wanted to safely preserve every species included in the biological spectrum of life confined to reside in this blue oasis in space, I would like, built this huge self-sufficient, fusion reactor powered ark, and then like put a pair of every species inside so they could like reproduce and stuff. Then we construct a huge rocket to carry the ark into space, put the ark in the cargo bay and ZUM! Off to space it goes.

Once in orbit, it deploys the ark in geo-stationary orbit. We could even put in instruments to measure the effects of low gravity on animals. And why stop there? We could throw in some Discovery channel tapes of animals getting laid in the wild (animal porn). This way we can study sex in space, I mean, what can be more important than understanding how a horny elephant manages to impregnate his fat-ass partner in a zero gravity environment?

Imaging for a moment the sheer excitement of watching a pair of roaches hitting it off whit Also Sprach Zarathustra playing on the background? Can you possibly fathom the imposing image of a lion masturbating in space, all the tiny spermatozoids floating together like ballerinas in a perfectly choreographed vision of grandeur? How about a menage a trois of copulating rhinos? Furthermore, we could even get them dildos, vibrators and other sex toys. Boy, it just keeps getting more interesting by the minute!

I bet the networks would kill for the rights to broadcast the event live from the ark. They could even install a pussy-cam to get a close-up of the penetrating motion and fluid deployment extravaganza. Jerry Springer and Howard Stern could do the play by play with commentaries by Dr. Ruth. I mean, the ratings would go off the charts; forget about reality shows like Survivor, animal sex in space is the way to go!

But, most important of all, the animals would be safe, protected from the evil wrath of man, separated from their greatest nemesis by 35900 km of thin air. Even better, we could go on animal killing spree back here on earth since there would be no risk of animal extinction whatsoever. Heck, we can even kill the animals preserved in the zoos. Those bastards, sitting there all day doing nothing except for wasting us taxpayers good money. Grrr!

Evidently, a new legislation will be developed outlawing animal hunting in space. As a matter of fact, we could camouflage an antimissile defense system inside the ark and nobody would suspect a thing since it is an ecological preserve, right? What sick mind would suspect of us Americans using animals as a decoy to deploy a nuclear treaty violating defense system. I wonder why no one had ever thought of it before. We could even call it Star Wars. Now, that would be really cool, literally out of this world.

Now, as to the name for the ark, a few choices come to mind: Biosphere-3, Space PANDAmonium and Laika's Orbiting Playhouse, to name a few.

Pd. This is a serious proposal currently under study by Congress. Some relevant contents such as the aerodynamically designed toilets, fart containing system, animal droppings compactor, pheromone ventilator, spermatozoid collider and cryogenic camera for polar bear preservation have been omitted due to their obvious national security implications.