E! True Hollywood Story: Chucky, why is he SO mean?

E! THS: Chucky, why is he SO mean?

Right out of the factory, he was bought by a young, promising, singer. He promptly fell in love with the doll, which became his very own Pygmalion. One tragic day, he couldn't find his Peter Pan book, so he read Pinnochio instead. The idea of injecting life into a puppet unleashed his dream of turning Chucky into a real boy. Through a Faustian pact, he sacrificed 7 virgins and flagelized his own body and face; in exchange, a Frankenstein-like creature would emerge out of the doll.

"It's alive!", he joyously proclaimed...just before he went down on the poor, innocent creature. Daily, he made a ritual of caressing the boy-doll, and performing all kinds of lascivous acts on his tender body. The sexual and psychological torture surpassed even the Rumsfeldian tactics applied on Abu-Graib POWs, or the daily iterations of Promethean suffering.

Gradually, Chucky's kind soul was obscured and his mind deranged. His hopes of being set free from the perversions of his pedophile owner almost dashed, he was contemplating dollicide when, suddenly, the chains that held him prisoner to his master's bed faltered and he was finally free: the acumulation of his torturer's pedophilyc ejaculations had, slowly but surely, corroded the metal...

As a grotesque, pale figure entered into his ghostly manor, a surprise awaited. A powerful, yet feminine, scream of horror rocked the place, before a terrified voice intoned "...a roach... help me!"

As he recovered from his cowardice-induced shock, the dimly-lit room revealed a hideous, lilliputian figure approaching...unnaturally. Just as he recognized his object of desire, the now evil creature of doom had defiled his face and deprived him of life...

As the headlines of one Michael Jackson's death engulfed the Internet and captivated the whole of a (supossedly superior) species' attention, Chucky, now a demoniacal monster, had long escaped his former prison, leaving only mutilated bodies, dismembered corpses and beheaded zombies in his wake, for no mere mortal can resist, the evil of the Thriller...

::Chucky's macabre laugh is faintly heard, as Vincent Price and his army of ghouls rise from their tombs: Bwahahahaha...::