Tales of the SS Dementieva; Lena crosses over to the Dark Side (II)

My contribution to "Tales of the S.S. Dementieva: Lena gets seduced by the Dark Side," a jointly-written story for the Wtaworld tennis forums.

STORY JOINED in medias res...

PART TWO
*After the Captain's issued warning to steer clear of Elena and to be as precautious as possible when venturing out of the cabins, the SS Dementieva experiences a ghostly silence as never before. On the Bridge, the Captain has summoned Max, Slokid, Paco, Quasar, Alenyaa and Admiral Vera for an emergency meeting.*

Captain: Goodnight, everyone. Since we all know why we're here, we'll cut to the chase immediately. Lena appears to be in trouble again, big time. Paco, would you start us of on informing the Admiral on what happened?

Paco: Well, as I was strolling around the ship, I couldn't sleep, that's why, for "indisclosed purposes"...

Vera: UNdisclosed purposes???

Paco: Hey, I merely wanted to see whether Lena was well asleep and not experiencing any nightmares... yeah, yeah, that was the reason

Vera: You're a very bad liar, you know that, right?

Paco: B.. B... B.. But...

Vera: Never mind, there's more important business now, please continue...

Paco: Thank you. Well, when I eventually came to her State Room, I saw the doors where wide open, and the room was empty. Of course I thought that was rather strange, especially with the lower temperatures this time of the year. When I was on my way up to the Bridge to report this, I came across Quasar, who had heard some disturbing noises coming from the lower decks, along with cookie crumbs on the floor of the corridor.
Soon after, Max joined us and we put our stories together and decided that we definitely had to inform you about the situation, Captain.

Alenyaa: Doesn't anybody else here find it strange that none of us seem to be able to fall asleep tonight?

Captain: How's that?

Alenyaa: The fact that the three of them simply walked into each other in the middle of the night... Plus the fact that everybody here was still awake when you summoned them up here...

Slokid: Now that you mention it...

Max: I haven't slept in two days, actually, but strangely I feel as fresh as a daisy...

Captain: I wonder if it bears any connection to what is happening with Lena?

Vera: Speaking of which, please tell me what happened next.

Max: Well, I went up to the Bridge to inform the Captain as Paco and Quasar returned to their cabins to try and get some sleep. Quickly we concluded that, with Halloween nearing and given the nature of many strange/funny/whacky things that happen aboard this ship, there was only one possible explanation: Cabin 4100... We've had a nasty experience with it before, sadly with Lena as protagonist as well.

Vera: Yes, she's told me about that when you returned. You don't think she'll be plunging herself into that dimension again, do you?

Alenyaa: I fear that she doesn't have to. You see, the Captain, Max and Slokid went down there to see if they could find a trace of Lena. And they did...

Slokid: But what we saw down there wasn't your daughter. Not the way we know her, not the way anyone knows her. Lena was there physically alright, but not mentally.

Vera: What???

Slokid: She seemed... possessed, there's no other word for it. Like she wasn't in control. Something from that other dimension must have entered her mind somehow... We were lucky to get away in one piece!

Vera: But, my Elena would never kill anyone!

Max: Lena wouldn't, but whatever it is that has her in its power would. The fact that she didn't choke me might be an indication of some remaining presence of her own will or consciousness though.

Captain: That look in her eyes was murderous, Vera, demonic. And we might not be so lucky to get away next time...

Vera: I can't believe this... it's all so... unreal! Then again, Elena would never leave cookie crumbs on the floor. In fact, she wouldn't leave any crumbs AT ALL...

Paco: We have to find some way to help her! But what can we do?

Alenyaa: Yeah... if you come up with an answer to that one, let me know...

Paco:

Captain: Calm down, Alenyaa. There must be something we can do...

Quasar: Clearly we have to keep away from Lena at all cost. We have to take on this thing from the root, whatever that may be...

Captain: Well, this ship does have a big-ass library nobody ever uses... kids these days, ey... Maybe we can find something we need in there.

Quasar: Sounds like a plan to me... sort of...

Max: Alrighty then, y'all do know where the library is, right?

All: Deck 2...

Max: My point exactly...

Alenyaa: I'll go, but not by myself. I'd like to ask the Admiral to come with me.

Vera: Do I have to? I mean... there's always Sesil Karatancheva...

Captain: Are you serious?

Vera: No, of course I'm not serious!!! What kind of mother do you think I am???

Captain: Didn't think so...

Alenyaa: The reason I want the Admiral to come along is the bond Lena has with her. If anyone has a chance of surviving a next encounter with Lena in her current state, it's her.

Paco: What do the rest of us do in the meantime? Just sit around and wait?

Captain: If Lena is indeed possessed by something, that means we must be able to exorcise it somehow. So we have to create some sort of space she can be confined in. Some sort of space that can resist the awesome power this possessed Lena will submit it to.

Slokid: Well, we have this "crazy room" as Natasc once called it... you think that might do?

Captain: If we upgrade it a little, it might just hold long enough.

Vera: Very well, then you know what to do. In the meantime Alenyaa and I will risk our lives while you go and play Bob the Builder! Now get to work and start saving my daughter!

All: Yes Ma'am!

*Only Alenyaa and the Admiral remain*

Alenyaa: Wow, impressive... Does that ever work on Lena?

Vera: Only if I do it... If you tried you'd probably deeply regret it. Now let's go.


END OF PART TWO

-----------------------


Episode II 1/3: The Revenge of the Femme Fatales?


*As the crew uses the Scooby-Doo technique of separating the group in order to add unnecessary tension, Paco and Max go to work on the "crazy room," while the Captain, quasar and Slokid stay on the bridge, brainstorming about this most awkward event*

Slokid: Captain, there's some weird shit going on with my readings...according to these coordinates, we're smack in the middle of the Bermuda triangle...but just a few hours ago we where closing in on the Mediterranean. This can't be possible!

Captain: At ease, sailor. Don't lose your composure. There must be a rational explanation...

Quasar: Hmmm...Hasn't anyone noticed the absence of Dani and Mercedes?

Captain: What are you suggesting?

Quasar: Well, those gals have been acting quite strangely lately. Remember they recently shaved their heads, started worshipping the mythical "Whore of Bizantium," and pledged to rescue the "Last Virgin of Carpathia" from the evil claws of the "Bubonic Rat of Sumatra"!!! With all due respect, I think they lost their marbles.

Slokid: Funny you mention that. The day after those bizarre antics, I went by the Pub and noticed the backdoor was open. I took a peak and what I saw...oh the humanity! I have been trying to forget it ever since.

Captain: what did you see?

Slokid: It was quite blurry, but it appeared like some sort of Hieros Gamos ritual, wherein Dani and Mercedes were dressed in black, chanting some blood-chilling hymns, and piercing some sort of voodoo doll that bade an striking resemblance to Lena. And the turtle, the turtle!

Captain: What? What happened with the turtle?

Slokid: It was dressed as a Tibetan monk and looking firmly at Lena's voodoo doll, as if trying to possess her mind, body and soul.

Quasar: Come on dude, you implying that they managed to switch the turtle's mind with Lena's and somehow Dani and Mercedes are now manipulating Lena to perform atrocious acts!

Captain: Well, that would partly explain why I'm receiving several complains about a turtle dressed in Winnie the Pooh PJs invading the tennis courts...

Slokid: Come on Cap. You can not be serious! That's a preposterous scenario--even for this ship! Besides, Mercedes would never be up to that. Dani, maybe...

Captain: As unlikely as it may appear, this night's bizarre events warrant further investigation. Not to mention there's a full moon outside and, according to the message in the bottle I just picked from the ocean: "Herein lies the spirit of Rasputin, stabbed, burnt, shot and drown to death; who will awake with a vengeance before those who disrupt his eternal sleep", I think we are in grave danger.

Quasar: Grave danger, you say?

Captain: Is there any other kind? Anyhow, Quasar, I think you should go fetch those femme fatales immediately! Interrogating them is of the essence to promptly solving this treacherous plot against Lena before it's too late. Slokid, may I enquire as to why are you holding my hand?

Slokid: Sorry Cap, I just got scared by your story.

***Somewhe else in the ship***

Paco: Max, I'm intrigued, why can't any of us fall sleep? Could it be some collective delusion we're partaking in? Might we all be slumbering in our beds while sharing the same dramatic perception of a fake, artificially-conceived notion of reality? Could we...

Max: Zip it, Plato. Don't try to distract me with that pseudo philosophical BS while you play with the underwear you stole from Lena's room!

*Paco is dimly heard whispering "My preciousss...preciousss" as he caresses some kind of textile apparel*

Paco: That again? I swear it's not what you think. I was actually going to wash it for her.

Max: Yeah, right, and Ricky Martin is not as gay as a picnic basket.
Anyways, let's focus on the situation at hand. I think we're going in circles. We must have passed by the Scooby-Snacks vending machine about 5 times. Paco, you listening to me?

*Paco's voice is heard violently screaming at the machine, the phrase "Give me back my quarter, you piece of shit" echoing around the hall*

Max: Paco, stop that infantile behavior. You can have cookies later. Besides, there're not actually Scooby-Snacks. (Scooby-Snacks don't actually exist, for heaven's sake!!!!). Remember when MTV wanted to make a reality show about Lena? Well, the Scooby-Doo brand name was just supossed to be product placement for the recent Scooby-Doo flop of a movie. What the vending machine actually contains is chinese fortune cookies.

Paco: Fortune cookies you say? That doesn't make any sense at all.

Max: What do you mean?

Paco: Remember the cookie crumbs Lena carelessly dropped on the floor. Chinese cookies don't leave crumbs!

Max: Where did the crumbs come from, then?

Paco: No clue in hell, but I don't like this one bit. We must go back to the bridge and inform the Captain.

*Back at the bridge, the captain is briefed*

Captain: The situation gets more intricate by the second. I hope Dani and Mercedes can help lift the dark veil that masks this villanous mistery. Where the hell are they anyway?

*Somewhere else in the ship...*

Dani: Mercedes, don't you find it weird that since that last Femme Fatale Anonymous meeting we haven't seen any of the guys.

Mercedes: Even stranger, I can't seem to recall anything that has happened in the last 7 days...last thing I recall is being drunken to the bone at PituBellyButton's 37th birthday party (or was it 27?).

Dani: Yeah, that was fun, specially when you tried to milk Altair's 3rd nipple. That was hilarious!

Mercedes: Oh, don't remind me of that. Even nastier was when you were trying to make your turtle do a lap dance for Word Life. You even took its shell off so it would be naked!

Dani: And you were screaming in Austrian "Look how tiny those turtle testicles look! Shake it up bitch!" I mean, you don't even know Austrian, nor is it even a language! How wasted were you!

*Quasar, quite agitated, bumps into the room*

Quasar: Pardon the interrumpion, ladies, but Lena's gone berzerk. She's tossing people around, eating turtles, and screaming louder than Evander Holyfield when his ear got bit off by Tyson. She even painted a moustache in our knock-off of the Monalisa...and it's not even her period yet!!!

Mercedes: Holy reptiles, Dani! This seems like something taken out of the Twilight Zone!

*Dani starts humming the Twilight Zone tune: "Na na na...na na na..."*

Quasar: Dani! This is serious! Captain wants you two at the bridge ASAP! Mercedes, you can continue reading "How to Dance Regaetton For Dummies" later!


Episode II 2/3: The Truth behind...Alenyaa's name!

*Meanwhile, at the bridge*

Slokid: Examining the phone records, Lena received one call precisely one minute before her storming out of her room in Terminatrix mode. Perhaps listening to it might clue us in as to what is behind her behavior.

Captain: Great idea! Let's listen in.

Slokid: Unfortunately, no can't do. We only have the record of the phone call been made. (It's in the phone bill, for Christ's sake!). But we did not tape the contents of the call. Lena's entitled to her privacy.

Captain: Ehem, if we can't have access to the conversation, why are you wasting our time with such useless information?

Slokid: Sorry, just wanted to seem smart. If you had lines as crappy as mine, you would do the same...

Dex: Well, actually we could reconstruct the message. Just need to reverse the polarity, interpolate the wavelength and triangulate the satellites based on our GPS coordinates. Here it is. I'm gonna play it back for y...

Slokid: Wait a damn second. Who the hell are you?

Dex: I'm the deus ex machina, but my friends call me Dex.

Slokid: The what???

Dex: Deus ex machina. A plot device written-in to make sense of a complex situation using an absurd, facile way out in order for the plot to advance to a satisfactory conclusion without much effort on the writer's part. Don't you ever see any movies?

Slokid: Well, as a teenager I peed in my Heidi underwear when watching "Star Wars" on TV--Darth Vader was so scary! Since then I haven't mustered the courage to watch another movie. But that has nothing to do wi...

Dex: Wait. You wore Heidy underwear as a teen?

Slokid: Ehem, no I meant to say He-Man...yes, He-Man. I never wore girl-themed underwear! And no, I'm not a cross-dresser anymore! I mean, I never was a cross-dresser, nor do I keep Rupaul posters in my cabin. Wait, that didn't come out right...

*Slokid desperately runs away*

Captain: Anyhoo, so what was the content of the telephone call?

Dex: Let me set it up for you. Here it is: "Seven days...*static*...seven days...*static*"

Captain: That's it? "Seven days." What's that cryptic remark suppossed to mean?

Dex: Must I explain everything? Evidently Lena has been a victim of a mind-control plot and "Seven Days" is the trigger that makes her obey orders from her puppeteer masters.

Max: This is bull. Elena is on the loose. Slokid has lost it. This Dex dude just gave Paco a wedgie, then got naked and jumped overboard. We have a bunch of leads but no concrete information. I mean, we're fucked! We don't know if Dani's ritual spirited Lena's mind away from her body--or mixed her a drink with alucynogens at her Pub. I'll be damned if I buy that mind control theory wherein Lena's dark side is unleashed by a phone call--although that "7 days" message sounded quite ominous. That Bermuda Triangle shit scares the crap out of me, but the instruments might just be malfunctioning--they are ACME, what can one expect!--and we might be nearing Bilbao, as planned. But then, there's that message from the dead by that crazy-ass monk Rasputin: Might he be trying to possess Lena and restore the Russian Empire installing our princess as zarine? Moreover, what's with the crumbs laying on the floor without there being any cookies from which they could have fallen? And not only are there no cookies, but my ass itches like crazy and I already took my ass fungus pills! And who the fuck writes these asinine lines, anyway?

*As Max summarizes the overly complex plotlines, Quasar and the Deadly Famme Fatale duo make it to the bridge*

Quasar: Captain, sorry for the delay, but it appears that Dani and Mercedes have been hung over for the last 7 days and can't remember what they have done during that period.

Captain: Bloody hell! That's all we needed! Has anyone noticed that nothing important is actually happenning? Seems like all that's going up is filler and we're right where we begun. Actually, the more we know, the farther away we are from actually uncovering the truth.

Paco: Well, not really. I just found out something quite interesting. According to these chinese cookie, the name "Alenyaa" comes from ancient Aramaic, and stands for "mistress of the underworld"...

Captain: ...which would explain why he always gets sent back from hell. He's Satan's bitch!!! And not even the Dark Lord wants anything to do with him!

*The crew laughs*

Mercedes: And speaking of Alenyaa, hope he and Vera are having better luck...

*Meanwhile, at the corridor that leads to the library*

Alenyaa: Vera, this is it: The Library. Look how rusty the door is, and the air is so dusty. Seems like no one has been here in ages.

Vera: Well, if you actually came here to educate yourself rather than being a poolside fixture trying to catch my daughter sunbathing...

Alenyaa: Me, stalking Lena? I would never do that!

Vera: Yeah, right, and Lena didn't inherit her exquisite figure from me!

Alenyaa: What?!? Nevermind...But too much chit-chat. Let's get this door open and check what lies inside.

Vera: You know what? It seems you're a resourceful kid, you don't actually need me here. I think I'm gonna split...

Alenyaa: What? What if Lena's inside? You gonna leave me alone with her? In the condition she's in? You nuts? Come on, it's your daughter, for crying out loud!!!

Vera: Well, actually she's adopted...

Alenyaa: What!!! Lena is adopted?

Vera: Don't be silly. Of course not, where do you think she gets her looks! But you should have seen your face when I told you...

Alenyaa: Vera...!!!!